Old Friend

Spoke to an ex yesterday and of course he told me how much he missed me and wanted me to give him another chance. I guess that he wants me to give him another chance to make me unhappy again. Of course I'm not going to do it. I'm so over dating. I'm really working hard to handle my depression and my anxiety about being alone forever, no children.. no husband... that so of thing. I have good days and bad day. I'm trying something new lately. I'm seeing an acupunturist and working on natural health care and trying to keep the negativity out of my life. It has affected the realationship that I have with the people in my life but as the doctor said, if someone leaves my life, then I should let them go. They were not supposed to be in my life. I believe that. It's hard because I think that I'm a beautiful person inside, a good friend, and family member but things do not work out for me. I had a break through a few month ago when the doctor that told my acupunture told me that I see myself as a victim. That was so profound for me. People have said that to me that using those exact words made a difference for me. I realized that I expect things to go back for me. I expect people not to love me, hurt me, and betray me. It was not conscious to me but when she said that to me, it made me realize that I felt that way and it's one of the reasons why I'm so unhappy. Mental Health issues are a drag. Most of the time, I just feel like being left alone. Other times, I just want to go out have a good time, lose myself and don't think about all of my problems.